The topic of April’s Family Connection Newsletter is The Montessori Method and Independence: An Aid to Life. As stated in the article, Maria Montessori believed that the overarching goal of education was to educate for independence. She said, “If [the child] cannot acquire this independence, he does not exist as an individual – for the characteristic of an individual is one who can function by himself.” The article contains helpful information for early childhood, elementary, and secondary levels.

In addition to this month’s newsletter, I am also including March’s Family Connection on Freedom and Discipline. This article discusses what that looks like in the Montessori classroom and includes information on freedom of movement, choice, time, repetition, communication, and mistake-making. It also provides information on self-discipline and an intriguing discussion with upper elementary students on the question: “What does freedom with responsibility mean to you?”

I hope you enjoy these newsletters,

Karen Sankey
Director of Montessori Education

My last blog post on Positive Discipline posed the question: 

What is Positive Discipline? 

Here is a more practical answer: 

Positive Discipline is a program designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful, and resourceful members of their communities. Positive Discipline teaches critical social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for children and adults (including parents, teachers, childcare providers, youth workers, and others). 

One of my favorite quotes from Jane Nelson is:

“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Children do better when they feel better.” Jane Nelsen

Positive Discipline is based on the understanding that discipline must be taught and that discipline teaches. 

Our faculty spent time in professional development this past Friday. Our work focused on Positive Discipline in the Montessori classroom.

The big “take-aways” for us were:

Positive Discipline teaches adults to employ kindness and firmness at the same time, and is neither punitive nor permissive.

The tools and concepts of Positive Discipline include:

• Mutual respect. Adults model firmness by respecting themselves and the situation’s needs and kindness by respecting the child’s needs.
• Asking vs. Telling – the power of motivational questions.
• Effective communication and problem-solving skills.
• Discipline that teaches (and is neither permissive nor punitive).
• Focusing on solutions instead of punishment.
• Encouragement (instead of praise). Encouragement notices effort and improvement, not just success, and builds long-term self-esteem and empowerment.

Our first Parent Evening to come together and talk about Positive Discipline is on Thursday, March 30th from 7:00-8:00 pm. We look forward to seeing you!

“Through concentration, important qualities of character develop. When the concentration passes, the child is inwardly satisfied, he becomes aware of his companions in whom he shows a lively and sympathetic interest.” -Maria Montessori

“Concentration is the Key” in this month’s Family Connection Newsletter. Concentration holds great importance in the Montessori philosophy. Montessorians believe that personality develops based on the ability to concentrate and that children’s social/emotional nature is established through control of their minds and bodies. Concentration allows children to explore and investigate their environment. How is concentration fostered in the Montessori classroom?

• Didactic materials reinforce repetition, have clear steps, contain control of error, and are fascinating.
• Practical life activities develop coordination and independence, encourage attention to detail, and develop concentration.
• The classroom environment acts as a protector of the child’s concentration, allows deep engagement, allows long periods of uninterrupted work, and provides time for children to become completely engrossed in their work.
• The teacher acts as a protector of the child’s focus and concentration and shows great respect for the child and their work.

This issue also addresses Montessori at home through lunch preparation, clean-up, and independence. In addition, you will learn about the importance of Care of the Environment at different developmental stages and the skills that are fostered by caring for the environment.

I hope you find this month’s Family Connection helpful and informative.

Warmly,

Karen Sankey
Director of Montessori Education

Positive Discipline is a program developed by Dr. Jane Nelsen who wrote her first book Positive Discipline in 1981. Since then she has authored or co-authored others, from Positive Discipline for Preschoolers to Positive Discipline for Teenagers. 

From the start, she saw the like-mindedness of Positive Discipline with the Montessori approach. 

Chip DeLorenzo, a Montessorian, together with Jane Nelsen, co-authored Positive Discipline in the Montessori Classroom in 2021. This book frames Positive Discipline from a Montessori perspective. Specifically, the Montessori principles of respect and independence.

Research tells us that children are hardwired from the very beginning of infancy to connect with others, and children who feel a sense of connection to their community, family, and school are less likely to have issues with misbehavior. To be successful, contributing members of their community, children need to learn necessary social and life skills. 

Two weeks ago, Karen Sankey and I attended a two-day workshop —The Practitioner’s Class: Positive Discipline in the Montessori Classroom at Westside Montessori School and Teacher Education Program, in Manhattan.

We are very excited to share what we learned with our colleagues and with our parent community. 

You can look forward to an invitation to an evening event here at FWM where we will share how the Positive Discipline model helps us (parents and teachers) develop mutually respectful relationships with the children in our lives by employing kindness and firmness at the same time, without being punitive or permissive.

Looking forward to getting together!

Gina Tryforos

Assistant Head of School | Student Support Coordinator

Parents have asked this question at the end of their child’s day for generations.

The answer is almost universally, “nothing.”

Why is this question such a tough one?

Here are some thoughts:

Everything children are doing in Montessori uniquely corresponds with their development. You don’t notice when your shoes fit perfectly, you notice when they pinch or hurt or give you blisters. 

Even when we’re working on something new in the classroom — unless it’s something big and dramatic you’ve been waiting your whole life for, like your very first picture story, or the bead chains or the checkerboard, or the quadratic equation — it is something typically aligned with what you need, in the here and now.

“What did you do today?” is a very big question for children and adults alike. 

If my husband asked me, “What did you do today?”  my response would be  something along the lines of, “…. Um (long silence while I try to remember this day, which seems like it happened about a week ago) ……I worked with children, sent some emails, had some teacher meetings…

What children do during the day doesn’t seem nearly as thrilling to them as it does to us. When parents and visitors observe children in the classrooms, the most common phrase we hear is: “I could watch all day.” What the children do and what they learn is so incredibly exciting for us to hear about and to them, it’s one more step in their development.

A great way to encourage children to talk about their day is to create a daily habit of talking about yours- the whole family. If it is just relaxing dinner table or car ride home conversations, there’s more of a chance stories will emerge.

An example would be telling a “Did You Know Story”: 

Did you know, this morning, I thought I packed my lunch box but I didn’t!  At lunch time,  I couldn’t find it anywhere! I had to eat the extra snacks I keep in my desk for my lunch. 

If you can’t remember a fun anecdote to share with your child, it’s not a big leap to imagine they’re having a tough time remembering parts of their day, too.

It’s natural to want to know how your most favorite person spent their day. It’s also natural to think that the way you spend your own day is pretty uneventful. Both those thoughts are true, whether you’re the parent or the child. 

As we have seen so many times, modeling is one of the best ways to teach. Like any new practice or habit, seeing results from your work is sometimes just enough to create a bit of momentum.

Spend time over the winter break establishing this new habit with your family and enjoy talking with your child!

Wishing you a happy holiday.

Gina Tryforos
Assistant Head of School & Student Support Coordinator

Dear Fraser Woods Families,

There are many ways for families to establish an after school or evening routine, and those routines will look different depending upon the age of your child/children. 

After picking up at dismissal, there may be rush-hour traffic, hungry kids, and homework – either assigned by your child’s teacher or suggested/required by you, which make weeknights stressful for any parent or caregiver. Families with multiple children will notice this time is trickier to manage because each child has their own learning style. 

You can manage these chaotic periods with strategies that fit your family and make this time of day smoother. 

1. Snack

Studies show that nutrition affects children’s behavior and may reduce or increase attention and focus. Too much sugar and/or artificial coloring, may make it more difficult for children to focus.

Have a healthy snack ready for your child. You can pack a small cooler filled with nutritious food and water every afternoon, so that the kids have something to eat while you are driving home or to after-school activities. You can also have a snack ready when your child walks in the door (whole-grain crackers with natural sun or nut butter and an apple; a slice of cold turkey or ham and an orange; or a banana, etc.)

2. Establish Your Own Routine- in other words, do what works for your family

Creating routines that work with your child/children is important in managing evening chaos. Some families may find that their child’s emotions are heightened after a long school day. 

So experiment with your child’s schedule. Try doing homework at different times, or breaking it into small chunks. Another strategy is having someone (parent, older sibling, babysitter)  sit with them, reading a book or working on another quiet activity; it provides reassurance.

Make the routine clear by creating a chart or poster with your child of the things that need to be accomplished that day: feed the dog, go to soccer practice, finish homework, read for 20 minutes, etc. 

3. Be Realistic

Some children can take a shower, brush their teeth, and get into pajamas in a half-hour, but others can’t.

Your expectations about what your child can do independently and which tasks need your support will help you with feeling frustrated.

Lauren Braswell, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist, agrees that realistic expectations help the evening go smoother. “I see families struggle with what they can change and what they have to accept,” she says. If it takes your child longer to get through the evening chores or nightly homework, that’s just the way it is”.

4. Physical Activity

For some children, it’s hard to tackle homework or chores immediately after school. One way to help your child focus is through exercise. 

“Evidence shows that 20 or 30 minutes of exercise-taking a walk, playing in the backyard, doing some jumping jacks-can help a child focus for about 45 minutes to an hour afterward,” says John Ratey, M.D., an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. 

5. Sleep

A good night’s sleep is so important, yet many children have difficulty with sleep routines for a variety of different reasons (restless, overtired, night time fears, etc.).  

“Routines that may start with a warm bath, tooth-brushing, and some light stretching or calming breathing techniques, followed by reading a story, can help your child prepare their body and their mind for a good night’s rest.”

6. Be Mindful of Your Words

When your priorities collide with your child’s, parents can feel overwhelmed. We want to avoid an edgy tone of voice or using harsh words. 

Instead of saying, “You seem distracted,” try “Let’s work on finding a way to focus,” or “I know homework isn’t fun, but we need to get it done. So let’s get focused.”

Instead of saying, “You’re making a mess,” or “You’re getting a little sloppy,” try “Could you use a hand?” or “How can I help you clean this up?”

Instead of saying, “There are no monsters in your closet, just go to bed,” try “Lots of kids have scary dreams. How do you want to get rid of the monsters?” or “How about I stay in the room for a while until you fall asleep?”

When pressure is getting the best of you, focus on your ultimate parenting goal. Says Dr. Lauren Braswell, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist, “Teach your child to be self-sufficient and preserve a loving parent/child relationship at all costs.”

Gina Tryforos

Assistant Head of School & Student Support Coordinator