By David Newman, Head of School
I recently read an article sent in the Family and Student Newsletter from my daughter’s college that resonated with me both as a parent and an educator. The article was directed toward parents of freshmen, and while we have a junior in college, my wife and I are certainly not experts and thus benefitted from its wisdom.
The intent of the article was to provide guidance for parents on how to support their students in realizing their own path to independence – effectively allowing them to struggle, emphasizing that we should support this process through listening and offering empathy without trying to solve every problem. After all, their solution might be different than ours. The college suggested the following advice to us: Stop, Drop, and Roll.
Stop = Take a deep breath. Are they truly asking me to fix the problem? More likely, they want me to listen and allow them to talk through it. Don’t panic.
Drop = Don’t take action or give in-depth advice. Ask productive questions that might help them come to a solution on their own, and acknowledge that struggling is a part of life’s journey.
Roll = Be a cheerleader. Stay informed. Make them feel like they can do this.
As a parent, this made perfect sense and served as a good reminder. As an educator, it struck a chord as it is advice I have often given to parents throughout the years – albeit not as succinctly.
It got me thinking about the work we do at FWM, and the times when students struggle. How do our parents handle these situations, and in what ways do we promote actions that are in the best interest of the child’s learning journey? In college, the stakes may be quantifiably more consequential, but that does not mean that a 6-year-old’s challenges are any less anxiety-producing to both the student and the parent. A college student is more self-aware and more able to problem solve simply because of the “tools” they have in their kit from life experience. A 6-year-old does not have a tool kit. Yet, the goal is still the same. Therefore, while the concept applies, the execution needs adjusting for school-aged children because we are setting the table for future independence. To apply this thinking to the FWM community, I reframed my thinking of Stop, Drop, and Roll this way: Pause, Connect, and Partner.
Pause: When your child comes home and shares something about their day that caused them to be upset, was challenging, or simply doesn’t seem right, take a moment to absorb what they are telling you. Does this sound possible? In what context might this have taken place? Is it possible that this is developmentally appropriate? Listen to your child and try to provide context that reassures them they are safe.
Connect: Reach out to their teacher to establish a line of communication. Explain what your child shared with you and allow the teacher to acknowledge and then provide their perspective of what they saw…or are seeing. Often, children at these ages have trouble seeing beyond themselves. Reaching out for more context from the school can often answer questions that you may have as a parent and enable you to better support your child.
Partner: We often talk of the partnership between the school and our families formed when you send your child to FWM. When your child faces a challenging situation, the school can be an excellent partner. We have seen many students face challenges along their journey and have engaged with them to help them navigate difficult times. Each child is unique in how they react to and meet their challenges, but there are few situations we have not experienced.
It is important to remember that the school and our families share the most important goal, and that is to do what is best for our children. We may not always face challenges with the same perspective, but if we commit to a thoughtful partnership, we will more than likely set the table for our children’s future independence and a successful and meaningful learning journey.
